A Nervous Girl’s Guide to… Being Crap At Sports

At school, I was one of those kids who was so bad at sports, I could have had my own 10-minute fail video on the internet. The only P.E. class I ever enjoyed was the one time we did wheelchair rugby, and I think that was because I was sitting down.

Some examples of my fails in P.E. class include;

  • Sending half of the class supply of tennis balls sailing into neighbouring gardens.
  • Whilst successful at hitting tennis balls, somehow managing to hit shuttlecocks behind me and being unable to hit rounders balls at all.
  • Frequently tripping over nothing.
  • Running up to the bar during high jump practice and chickening out at the last minute.
  • Being unable to go on virtually all of the interesting gymnastics equipment due to vertigo, and instead just standing on the floor waving a ribbon around.
  • Passing the ball to members of the opposing team.
  • Whilst in goal, diving out the way of the ball.
  • Learning to swim about five years after most of my peers.

As a result, I would be frequently picked last, and my report cards would say things like ‘Catherine always remembers to bring her kit,’ or ‘Catherine always listens well,’ clearly unable to think of anything else good to say about me. And the Facebook meme is right; there was always that one kid in school who thinks P.E. class is the Olympics; the one kid who needs to be told that no, this isn’t London 2012. This is in fact a load of fifteen year old girls stood shivering on a frosty field, playing tag rugby.

But apparently this loveless relationship towards P.E. class is generational; my Mum has many stories similar to mine, and my Gran confesses she frequently wished the school would burn down before a P.E. lesson so she wouldn’t have to do it. My family are definitely more ‘bookish’ and ‘arty’ than ‘sporty.’

So, in summary, I’m not a fan of doing sports. I enjoy watching them though, but I’m more partial to the pretty ones (e.g. gymnastics, diving, ice skating). However, I do recognise that exercise is important. My challenge though, is finding some exercise to do that I actually enjoy, and that doesn’t remind me too much of P.E. class. So that rules out any team sports.

Running is out of the question; I don’t think I’ve ever seen a jogger that looks like they’re enjoying themselves. In fact, they all look like they’re having a thoroughly horrible time. And as a heavy chested girl, I would probably have to get a steel-reinforced bra specially made to prevent injury.

Cycling is also a no-no, as I never learnt to ride a bike (I know, I know).

If I wanted to pursue the only thing I was ever good at in P.E. I should be doing Long-Jump Club, if such a thing exists. However, this is hard on the knees, as my Grandpa learnt; he used to be the East Midlands Junior long jump and high jump champion (Okay. So I never said I had no sporty family).

In fact the only two active things I have ever enjoyed are walking and dancing. And having identified this, you would have thought I’d been signed up to some clubs by now, right? Wrong. Because, a) I’ve not got the time for that, and b) I get nervous about going to classes/clubs, especially a dance class where I will probably be crap.

So until I pluck up the courage to join a group, I will be restricted to dancing round my room, or walking in my local park. I suppose at least, I’m doing something though.

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3 thoughts on “A Nervous Girl’s Guide to… Being Crap At Sports

  1. From one heavy-chested lady to another, running sucks! As for dancing, I play Dance Central in the privacy of my living room, and it has a workout mode, so yeah…all the fun with none of the social anxiety, lol! Hope your walks go well!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I smiled broadly at your post, I also loathed most sports as a kid. Hated school cross-country runs, rugby and cricket, with a vengeance. Lucky I got into cycling, not the lycra and racing bike obsession fortunately, just a useful way to get from a to b and get some exercise at the same time.

    Walking is great, I walk quite a lot, helps me think and is just essential for overall health and wellbeing. Always enjoyed dancing too, although not without dim lighting and some alcoholic encouragement… That’s the great advantage of dancing at ‘club home’ – nobody can see you and alcohol is purely optional.

    Liked by 1 person

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